Psychology of family relations between a husband and wife

Family relationships are not an easy task that not every psychologist can often figure out. Here it is necessary to analyze not only the circumstances that have arisen at any moment of the problems that have arisen between the husband and wife, but also the entire history of their relationship. And you need to start, most likely, from the time of mutual love. The roots most often grow from there. They began to create their relationships incorrectly at the early stage of the emergence of a family - and now they are reaping the benefits.

The basis of any healthy human relationship is trust, honesty, mutual respect. These qualities or their absence are especially vivid in the family - without them it will not last long. Of course, young people are united by love. If their love is unselfish and unconditional, then it will be the main factor holding the family together and helping them to go through any trials.

Psychology of family relations identifies the following main types of family relationships:

• Affiliate - they can still be called cooperation when relationships are built on an equal footing. The most good and stable kind of relationship.
• Competition - a completely healthy way of relations when spouses compete in achieving common goals, provided that they remain benevolent. In the opposite case can turn into rivalry.
• Competition - manifested in the desire of spouses to dominate each other. In this kind of relationship, it is difficult for partners to come to a common opinion regarding common interests; rather, everyone cares about their own. This greatly undermines family unity.
• Antagonism - acute confrontation of partners, outgrowing from competitive relations. Such a family is preserved only for compelling external reasons; internally, nothing unites her, the relationship is about to break.

In addition to the classic types of interpersonal relationships, there are also relationships in the family based on the game of jealousy, silence, adaptation. Silence is when all dissatisfaction is diligently silent only for the sake of maintaining relationships. There are situations when families exist under a contract.

Relationships based on the device may be different. One of the spouses may seek protection or play the role of savior, victim or executioner. And also quite often in relations of this kind, the husband treats his wife as a servant or housekeeper.

In the relationship under the contract reigns, above all, the calculation of material or moral. Such marriages are based on an oral or written contract.

Family crises most often occur for the following reasons.

• Unjustified expectations on one or both sides (often the material plan, sometimes spiritual). In such a family, one of the spouses has a one-sided view of the obligation to provide for the family. He or she imagined that their half will make them financially richer: they will provide things, housing, the ability to travel and so on.
• The contradiction of views on housekeeping. For example, a man expects that, as in his parental family, his wife will serve him in the kitchen, and she, considering him to be independent, leaves him to take care of himself.
• Opposite views on parenting. For example, in a family of a girl, parents decided to walk with the child together, and the husband thinks that this is a mother’s care. This may cause confusion in the couple.

• Routine, the lack of family traditions. It happens that in the family of one spouse it is customary to celebrate certain holidays, to hold them in a special way, and for the second half these traditions may be unacceptable. For example: a spouse is used to celebrating holidays in a restaurant with friends in a noisy company, and his wife likes to celebrate in a quiet family circle. The undoubted factors, due to which relations deteriorate, are the monotony and domestic problems.
• The cause of the crisis can also be explained by the fact that the feelings of the spouses have cooled. This may well happen when relationships are built on the basis of external factors: beautiful appearance, material security. If a spiritual support is initially weak in relations (there are no common interests, hobbies, worldviews), then when the first bright feelings cool down, an emptiness arises in the relationship.

• Psychological climate in the family depends on the emotional characteristics of the spouses, their differences in temperament. If one spouse is sized and balanced, and the other reacts violently to any trifle, then the first can quickly get tired of the emotional swings of the second.
• Sometimes discord in relationships happens after the birth of a child in the family. The cold relationship between spouses arises from the fact that the young mother is fully committed to caring for the baby and paying less attention to her husband. Or the husband completely shifts the responsibility for the child to his wife, so she simply does not have time either for herself or for her husband.

Diagnosis of crises in family relationships is aimed at identifying destructive attitudes associated with the manner of communication in a particular family and taking care of each other's feelings, with the methods of housekeeping and raising children, with the way of family leisure, as well as with responsibility for the financial support of the family. And one more important moment in family diagnostics is the ability of partners to accept each other.

The following actions will help restore the disturbed atmosphere among family members.

• First you need to reconsider your attitude towards marriage: if it is mercantile or your contract marriage, then you should not expect deep feelings and commitment from your partner. Try with him to modify your contract for the common good.
• Clarify: on whom of you lays the main part of the household chores, who is responsible for the material support. In order for the spouses to better understand each other, it is necessary to distribute the roles, decide who is responsible for what sphere of domestic, social and financial responsibilities.
• Let your soul mate do what he likes, passion. Do not deprive her of the opportunity sometimes to be alone - this is a normal desire. And also allow yourself and sometimes retire.

• Learn to listen to your partner, letting him talk about something important or say something boiling. Sincere communication will help melt the ice of misunderstanding between you.
• Sometimes put yourself in the shoes of a husband or wife - this will help you understand him better and accept his feelings.
• Remember your needs. Do not suppress their healthy interests in favor of the spouse. Dissatisfaction can lead to depression or irritation.
• Plan a joint vacation, start a family tradition. This will help maintain a harmonious relationship not only between a husband and wife, but also between parents and children.

A husband should always remember that there is a woman in front of him. And despite the fact that she works on a par with him or even performs some kind of male duties, she remains fragile and vulnerable in her soul, and the male task is to protect her fragility. It can be “very deep” and she herself can stop feeling her femininity, but for the sake of marital happiness it is worth making an effort.

• Speak affectionate words to her often, just let them be sincere, real.Just do not hold back your tender feelings while they are. Do not be afraid to squander yourself. Love has the property of joy - gave a sparkle of warmth, and in return a flame of love. That is, women are very subtle feel the manifestation of these feelings and always vividly respond to them.
• For the same reason that your wife is primarily a woman, offer to take part of her duties on yourself. You can walk with your child while she is managing household chores, buying groceries on the way home from work, making breakfast, clearing up the table or something else, depending on your family lifestyle.
• Listen to your soul mate's state of mind: maybe she wants to be alone or, on the contrary, you do not have much time together.
• Just put yourself in a spouse position more often. Looking at the situation from the outside, it can be well considered and seen that it has not seen from its position.

In the modern world, it is not uncommon for a woman to take on male roles: she leads the organization, leads her household, supervises her husband. Many men try to keep or retake their duties and conflicts often arise on this basis.

Therefore, in order to preserve harmony in family relationships, the first thing a woman needs is to change her roles from men to women.

• Let your husband provide for you, not the other way around.
• Reconsider your attitude to the household - cleanliness and comfort in the house is the prerogative of the woman, and repair and rearrangement requires male power.
• Take care of yourself, even while on maternity leave. Men are inspired by beauty.

Let him deal with issues of family life and leisure. Even if it seems to you that he will do everything wrong. After all, family for a man, just like for you, is a place where you want to manifest, create something new, bring something useful from you.

Learn to understand the mood of your companion and do not interfere with his desire to sometimes switch and go fishing. Do not deny yourself your healthy interests and hobbies.

A common family mistake is shifting responsibility to a spouse or circumstances. The partner does not want to admit his mistake, but by manipulating, he emphasizes the mistakes of his companion.

Consider other errors.

• The lack of pliability between spouses. If you insist only on your own, this will not help to resolve the issue, but will only increase the distance between you.
• Self-sacrifice to the spouse, work, children. When someone sacrifices himself, it brings him a temporary satisfaction of the need for recognition. And when recognition goes away, dissatisfaction comes.

• Guide only material criteria. This mistake can manifest itself both in a constant desire to earn more and in constant thoughts about work, which leads to a dulling of feelings and a “mechanical” attitude towards family members.
• Imposing your will on your partner. Such a mistake is the scourge of modern relations not only in the family. Such an attitude is an attempt to erase the uniqueness of your partner, to equate him with his standards.
• Incorrect role substitution: men show passivity, disclaim responsibility for the material and spiritual components of family life, and women, on the contrary, take this responsibility.

Above were given tips on how to improve family relations and what a man and woman should do for this.But on this work to strengthen the family does not end Healthy relationships - the result of the daily work of each family member. For those who are willing to make efforts to preserve family happiness, there is a description of a good, favorable atmosphere in the house and tips for its preservation.

• Permission to be. This global characteristic concerns the most diverse aspects of spouse relations. Let your loved one feel and think the way he wants, let him do what he can, let him do what he knows. And then, in response, you will also receive permission to be - this will create harmony in your family.
• Mutual respect This item is a continuation of the previous one. Respect the thoughts, feelings, actions of a partner - this is what relationships in the family are based on and one of the conditions for its stability.

• Support each other. A bit of physics: a table with a broken leg becomes unstable and falls to the side. The nature of the relationship is the same: in the absence of the support of any bearing part - wife or husband - the structure (family) becomes unstable. By supporting your spouse, you contribute to the reliability of your union.
• Sincerity and openness. "My home is my castle". The meaning of this saying is not only to protect and support each other’s family members, but also to be open, true, the way you are. Of course, this is not a one-sided need for acceptance, but also the ability to accept the sincerity of your partner.
• Mutual desire to develop relationships. Relationship development begins with self-development. Therefore, spouses seeking harmony in the family do not wait for their partner to change, but begin with themselves. Subsequently, the other half will try to keep up with him along the path of forming the best qualities in him.

See the next video for the correct relationship between husband and wife.