How to learn to communicate with people?

Interpersonal communication is an integral part of the life of any person. However, not everyone is easy to find contact with other people. How to learn to communicate with people in order to achieve the most effective interaction, we consider in this article.

To live in society, you must have the skills of effective communication. Every day we are faced with dozens of different people. Regardless of our desire, we are forced to make contact with others.

Communication is a rather complicated process, which implies the ability to not only speak correctly, but also listen. In addition to verbal communications, to interact with other people, it is important to know sign language, to be able to control one’s intonation when speaking and mimicry.

When interacting with other people, it is important to be able to win over the interlocutor. Remember a number of rules that will help you effectively build connections:

• Do not criticize your interlocutor. Criticism pushes people away and can cause self-defense reactions.
• More admire the interlocutor. All people have good qualities or skills that deserve attention. Find positive traits in a person and sincerely admire them.
• Show interest. Be able to listen to the interlocutor. Let people speak on topics that they are most worried about right now.
• Do not refuse to help a person make the right decision. When a person needs advice to make a choice, unobtrusively share your experience or opinion. It is important not to put pressure on the interlocutor and give him the opportunity to make a choice on his own.

• Smile more. You can always get a person to yourself with the help of a good mood.
• Consider the nature of personality. Be able to stand in the place of the interlocutor, analyze his actions, understand the motives of his actions. This will allow to find a common language with the person.
• Easier to criticize you. If the interlocutor makes this or that comment, there is no need to choose the tactic of a retaliatory attack. If there is no reason for the discussion to develop with respect to comments addressed to you, then the conflict situation will resolve itself.
• Do not tell people how to do better. Order tone causes a negative reaction in people.

In modern society, effective communication skills are necessary for everyone. The ability to build relationships plays a big role in the social life of each person. Effective communication with people will help you achieve many goals:

• Solve the issue of employment. At the interview it is very important to present yourself from the best side.
• To achieve mutual understanding in the working team. For effective work it is necessary that colleagues treat each other with understanding and be ready to help in a difficult situation.
• Improve family relationships. The ability to easily find a common language with family members will avoid many conflict situations.
• Productive interaction with service workers (managers, vendors, waiters). By placing an employee with you, you can benefit from your interaction.For example, get good advice in the selection or discount on the purchase.
• Make contact with management. Effective interaction with the management team contributes to the promotion of the career ladder.

In conversation, it is important to be able to endear a person. In order to learn to communicate freely with people, follow these guidelines:

• Listen to the interlocutor. Capture the tempo, intonation, voice volume. If you talk in a similar manner, it will allow to achieve the location of the interlocutor.
• You must be able to clearly and competently express your thoughts, then it will be more interesting and pleasant to listen to you.
• First, you can begin to train your ability to clearly express thoughts in writing. Try to find a suitable style of narration.
• Regularly replenish vocabulary. The ability to choose the right words to express your thoughts means a lot.
• Work on gestures and facial expressions.

Often, internal barriers prevent us from establishing contact with other people. Learn to recognize psychological barriers and eliminate them. The following factors may interfere with interpersonal interaction:

• Lack of topics for conversation. Each person has their own interests and hobbies. If you try, you can always find points of contact. Learn more about the interlocutor.
• Prejudice attitude. Adequate perception of the interlocutor can be distorted for many reasons. Do not allow yourself to suddenly draw conclusions about a person without knowing him better.
• Bad mood. Having problems at work or in your personal life is not a reason for splashing negative emotions on other people.

It is equally important to be able to respectfully listen to the interlocutor. Pay attention not only to what the person says, but also to how he does it, what his gestures and facial expressions speak about. Be tactful and polite. Learn to stand in the place of another person and understand him. In no case do not interrupt the person - this can cause extremely negative consequences.

In communication, try to always be honest and open. Sincerity will make you feel more at ease and free.

The main reason for people’s fear of contact is fear of being misunderstood. As a rule, the roots of this problem go back to the childhood of the individual. To stop being afraid to express one's thoughts, it is necessary to identify the reasons for the appearance of this phobia. Reluctance to make contact with other people may have other reasons:

• low self-esteem;
• complexes due to appearance;
• shyness;
• inability to start and maintain dialogue.

Regardless of the cause of fear, it is necessary to fight it. The easiest way to deal with a phobia is to do what you fear. In order to learn how to establish contacts in modern society, you can start small: as often as you can, approach the strangers on the street and check with them minor things (time, way to a certain place). After a while, you will feel more confident when communicating with other people.

Learn self-expression can start on the Internet. Each person has certain interests and hobbies. On thematic forums, you can hone your communication skills on an interesting topic. In this approach, there are a number of advantages:

• with virtual communication it is easier to step over your fears;
• with like-minded people easier to establish contact;
• The communication skills you have will well influence your self-esteem.

After the first successes in communication do not stop there. It is necessary to begin to apply your skills in practice in real life. To contact people has become much easier, you need to work out in yourself certain qualities and skills:

• Develop self-confidence. Confident people have to communicate and interact.
• Frequently contact the other person by name.
• Know how to develop a dialogue. Show your interest in the person, ask unobtrusive clear questions to keep the conversation going.
• Do not be afraid to get a refusal.
• When communicating, maintain eye contact with the person. Looking away to the side can be interpreted as secrecy or deceit. Do not be afraid to look people in the eye.

For effective interaction with other people, it is important to hone the skills of not only verbal communication, but also to be able to transmit information through gestures and facial expressions. In addition, knowing the basics of body language, you can better understand the interlocutor, analyzing his behavior. Often, facial expressions, gestures and intonation speak much more than human speech.

Analyzing the interlocutor, do not forget that the signals given by his body must be “read” in the aggregate. The same gesture in combination with other signals can have very different meanings.

Open palms speak about honesty and sincerity of a person, while hands, hidden in pockets or crossed on his chest, indicate that the interlocutor lies, feels uncomfortable or does not intend to continue the conversation.

In men, it is customary to greet each other with a handshake. And shake hands can both familiar to each other person, and those who see each other for the first time. At the first meeting, a handshake can say a lot about a person’s character or intentions:

• Power and superiority. The hand of the dominant personality covers the hand of the interlocutor palm down.
• Submission. With a submissive handshake, the hand is placed palm up.
• Equality. When demonstrating equality, both palms are in the same vertical position.

There are certain types of handshakes that should never be practiced:

• Cold and sticky hand. Slack handshake people associate with a weak character.
• Overly strong handshake says that a person strives to dominate and control the situation. Sometimes this technique is used by weak individuals who try to disguise their self-doubt.
• Squeezing fingers. This technique is used by aggressive, non-self-controlling individuals.
• Shaking fingers. Such a handshake is most often due to the reluctance to let the other person into the personal comfort zone.
• Hand pulling. Such a handshake suggests that a person wants to take control of the situation and establish their own rules.
• Vertical hand shake. With such a handshake, it is allowed to shake the interlocutor's hand no more than seven times.

Having caught the interlocutor's gaze, one can understand his true attitude. Often the eyes can say much more than speech and gesticulation.

A person's pupils may change in size with a change in mood. In an emotionally excited person, they can be four times wider. Narrowed pupils talk about irritation or anger.

Raised eyebrows are a standard signal to greet another person. You can use this gesture to please the other party. Lowered eyebrows indicate an aggressive attitude or desire to dominate.Looking frowningly indicates submissiveness of a person.

In order to establish contact with a person, during a conversation it is advisable not to look away from him for a long time. In order to reach an understanding with the interlocutor, it is necessary that your views meet between sixty and seventy percent of the total talk time. When analyzing a direct look, one should not forget about the size of the interlocutor's pupils.

Smiling people seem more open and friendly, which, of course, has to communicate. With the help of a smile, you demonstrate to your interlocutor that you are friendly and do not pose a threat.

A false smile also betrays its duration. The unreal smile remains on the face much longer sincere. In addition, fake mimicry is more pronounced on the left side of the face. There are four common types of smiles:

• Compressed lips. With such a smile, the lips form a practically straight line, while the teeth are hidden. Such a signal most often indicates that a person does not want to share some information or does not want to voice his opinion.
• Mimic curve. One part of the face in this case may express a smile, while the other has a completely opposite expression. Such mimicry means sarcasm and insincerity.
• Open mouth. With the help of a smile with an open mouth, people try to achieve the effect of smiling eyes or make a good impression and cause a positive reaction.
• Smile frowning It is typical for women who want to attract the attention of the opposite sex, to show their helplessness and playfulness.

Try to never communicate with people with arms crossed. This gesture signals a negative attitude or defensive position. Even if you occasionally cross your arms over your chest for the reason that you are just so comfortable, this gesture will still be perceived as protection and secrecy.

An even more negative gesture is the arms crossed over the chest and clenched into fists. This signal is evidence not only of protection, but also of an aggressive mood. A kind of crossed arms is a gesture of covering the forearms. Such a signal indicates human insecurity.

Partial crossing of hands is used, as a rule, by women. This technique looks like a self-embrace: one hand covers his hand and grabs the other hand. Such a signal can be interpreted as internal fear or self-doubt.

Everyone wants to learn to express their thoughts beautifully and effectively with other people. For this, it is not necessary to attend special courses and trainings. You can regularly hone your social skills with simple exercises.

Begin daily to train correctly express their thoughts inanimate object. You can make a conversation plan and stick to it. Exercise will be very helpful to individuals who are embarrassed to make contact with other people.

It is necessary as often as possible to start a conversation with strangers. You can set a goal to communicate daily with at least five strangers. These may be casual acquaintances, door neighbors, or service workers. This practice will save you from the inability to start a conversation first.

If you can’t overcome your inner fear, start a conversation with a stranger first, practice your phone calls. You can call the store and find out the opening hours or clarify the presence of any product.

Learn to say compliments. It is necessary to set a task to praise each interlocutor during the day. When making compliments, it is important to be sincere.No need to praise a person for those qualities that annoy you or repel him. Carefully look at the person and mark in him those qualities that really attract you.

Practice more in front of the mirror. Remember some poem or a short story. Stand in front of the mirror in a confident posture: straighten your shoulders, straighten your back, look into your eyes with your reflection. Then, without changing your posture, imagine that a completely different, notorious and clamped personality is sitting inside you.

Speak to a preconceived speech on behalf of a self-confident person. Then you will need to change the position. You can be hunched, make an unpleasant expression. Now you need to imagine that inside you is an interesting, confident person. Repeat your speech on behalf of a confident person. This exercise will help to catch barely noticeable intonations and facial expressions of an internally confident and uncertain person.

Learn to join the company. Listen to a group of people at work, school or party. Try to get closer and maintain a general conversation. Do not forget to pay attention to the gestures and facial expressions of the group members in order to understand how desirable your presence is in the conversation.

Communicating with people, do not be afraid to fail. Fighting internal fears and complexes is a rather long process. To make mistakes when dealing with people is quite normal and natural. Do not stop there, continue to exercise regularly and over time you will learn effective communication skills.

How to learn to communicate with people and overcome shyness, see the next video.